1. How did alcohol or other mind altering substances affect your relationship activities during college if at all?
Alcohol definitely helped play a part in my very active sex life. I didn’t partake in other substances other than alcohol but abused that quite a bit. It lowered my inhibitions and I acted very carelessly. When sober, I could want to hook-up with someone but I would know that I probably shouldn’t or that it wasn’t a good idea. When I was drunk, thinking was over rated and I did what felt good at the time.
2. Looking back over your college and post-college life did you ever experience nonconsensual sex? If so, did it happen during a hookup, date or other situation? Was alcohol or other substances involved?
There was one time in college, my sophomore year, when I was at a fraternity party. A bunch of us had walked over the local bar and continued drinking. I remember going in and out of consciousness. I only remember bits and pieces which is more frustrating that anyone can imagine. I remember seeing guys that I thought were my close friends at my front door. I assumed they had to carry me home. And then I remember waking up the next morning, naked with a guy in my bed. I had no idea who he was or what happened. In the obvious circumstances, I could assume and felt that we had sex but I didn’t remember any of it. I don’t know if I acted in a way that made him think I was interested or remember saying anything to him. I don’t remember seeing him at all before that morning. I clearly had too much to drink the night before and suffered the consequences the next morning.
3. What would you say are the differences (if any) between your college and post-college relationship lives? Did your relationship life in college affect it afterward and if so how?
My sexual activity has drastically decreased. At this point in my life, I am no longer interested in hook-ups but instead a man that I will spend the rest of my life with. I look for a husband, not a hot guy to just have fun with. I don’t think my time in college has any effect on how I am now but that may be me just being naive.
4. How satisfied are you with the current relationship climate? Do you like Tinder, Bumble and other dating apps? Describe why or why not? Have you ever been “ghosted”? How do you think all of these things affect your well-being?
I was in a relationship that began in my senior year of college. We were together for 3 years. He is an alcoholic and a drug addict. I didn’t know that when I began dating him. He made me fall in love with him and then told me. Things were the best I could have ever imaged them to be the first year of our relationship. After that, he relapsed and I spent the last two years in hell trying to save him and killing myself. I finally ended things in September of last year. Over the last 9 months, I have used Bumble, Hinge, Tinder and The League. The most dates I have been on with one person is three. I have had so many first dates, I can no longer keep count. I haven’t met someone that is worth my time and energy. I also have been keeping myself very busy this year with a new promotion, taking many trips to places I’ve never been before and even moving out of the house that I’ve lived in for the last 2.5 years. I am more focused on myself and trying to let something happen naturally. I would much rather meet someone organically than go through the online dating stuff! No, I don’t think I’ve ever been ghosted but that’s probably because I haven’t given anyone enough of a chance. I’m not sure that I let my dating life affect my well-being and if I do then I haven’t noticed it.
