2.2. Sex is a tricky conversation to have, for me. I place a very high value on sex. Being a Christian has led me to consider it a divine gift from God meant to be shared between two people after they have vowed their lives to one another in marriage. Though I am not a virgin and did not wait for marriage entirely, I do now. I can’t say I regret the things I have done because it taught me lessons I may not have learned otherwise and it made me the person I am today, but I do wish I would have thought more about my actions beforehand. My opinion on sex is that it is a special bond that should not be taken lightly. I think that if people are going to have sex, then it shouldn’t be thrown out without deep consideration. Not only is it medically dangerous to be sharing sex with several partners or engaging in hook ups, but it is also emotionally and mentally dangerous. I don’t think anyone looks at their future as a teenager and thinks they should have several sexual partners. I believe that each time you connect with another person in that way, you give a piece of yourself to that person physically, mentally, and spiritually. Whether people realize it or not, or care enough about it or not, they will always be bonded to that person in some way. I think that is something that should be deeply thought through before engaging in any sexual activity. However, this is not a popular opinion to have.
3. If you did take part in hookup culture, what were your feelings afterwards (the next morning)?
3.1. I think the term “hook up” depends on what your individual definition of hook up actually is. Is it sexual activity outside of a serious relationship? Or is it casual sexual activity for the sake of having sexual activity with no consideration of partner whatsoever? Depending on the definition I may or may not have taken part in any hook up. Every single partner I have had (though they are few) was someone I cared for romantically or loved deeply. However, I have not dated or been in a serious relationship with all of my partners. So, as I have said, it really just depends on how you look at it. As far as my feelings afterward, I have always felt some form of guilt. I have rarely ever felt truly ashamed of myself, though, just simply due to the fact that if I was going to engage in this type of activity, then I am glad it was with a partner that I cared for and that cared for me. I believe I have always felt guilty because of my Christian background and beliefs. Engaging in sexual activity put a strain on me spiritually and emotionally. I have had to spend time with God to allow myself to accept this side of my past and move forward doing the right thing.
4. How did alcohol or other mind altering substances affect your relationship activities during college if at all?
4.1. Alcohol had a large presence in my college experience. I partook in parties, though I tried to never let alcohol influence my relationships or love life. Alcohol and other mind altering substances definitely influence other’s relationships, in my opinion. Under the influence of these substances I think people find it much easier to engage in activity that they would not normally engage in otherwise.
5. Looking back over your college and post-college life, did you ever experience nonconsensual sex? If so, did it happen during a hookup, date, or another situation? Was alcohol or other substances involved?
5.1. All of my sexual relationships have been consensual. I have never been involved in any sort of non-consensual sexual activity.
6. What would you say are the differences (if any) between your college and post-college relationship lives? Did your relationship life in college affect it afterward and if so, how?
6.1. I don’t think that my college life affected my post-college relationships. If anything, it prepared me more for my post-college life. My college relationships taught me a lot about what I deserve in a romantic partner and what I should avoid. I think that has led me to have a strong romantic relationship now. For me, I have always been a hopeless romantic and I have always sought to have a serious romantic partner instead of casual dating partners. The only difference for me now is that I feel like it has actually been achievable. The people I surround myself with now are more mature, more adult, and more in sync with my aspirations and values. It is more common, as adults, to be looking for a partner to settle down with instead of a casual hook up.
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