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24 Year Old Post College Single Woman Interview Pt. 4

1.   How satisfied are you with the current relationship climate? Do you like Tinder, Bumble and other dating apps? Describe why or why not? Have you ever been “ghosted”? How do you think all of these things affect your well-being?

The current relationship climate in today’s society is sad. You see more and more marriages failing due to infidelity and dishonesty. We live in a highly digital world, which, in turn, can bring a false sense of reality. For example, young adults on social media see all these accounts of couples that go on extravagant vacations, that live in expensive houses, that drive fancy cars, that are always “happy”, that go on dates every week, or that have the “perfect” family; when in reality social media just highlights a person’s life and doesn’t showcase who they really are. They go through struggles and hardships just like anyone else but I see young couples all the time that compare their relationship to the “glorified” relationships on social media and it really puts a strain on relationships to be perceived as perfect. Also, the digital world makes it so easy for individuals in a relationship to get off track by making it an easy access to talk to other women or men, which leads to infidelity. Social media also veers couples away from living in the moment. Whenever individuals go on vacations together or dates or even just hanging out, young couples that have social media are so quick to bring their phones out and get consumed with taking videos or pictures to show the world their day instead of enjoying the moment with their significant other. In my opinion, the relationship climate today is affected greatly by the digital world we live in. This takes me to your next question about dating apps like bumble and tinder… again, living in a digital world, it’s inevitable that these are around. I have never used dating apps, but I have had friends that do. In my opinion, they are less about finding a significant other and more about hooking up with someone. I believe one of the apps uses just pictures and has very little information about the individual. That alone gives me the impression that it’s for hooking up because people are meeting up just based off what someone looks like. With my strong beliefs in building a strong connection and friendship before anything else, dating apps do not seem like they would work for me. With the false platforms on social media, the dating apps, and women getting “ghosted”, these things can really take a toll on an individual’s well-being. It damages self-confidence by making men and women not feel like they’re not good enough, it makes couples build their relationship on the perception of others, and it eliminates romance and love out of a relationship.

2.   How do you feel about the amount of romance versus the amount of hooking up in our society? Do you plan to settle down someday get married and have kids? Would you worry about the future fidelity of a prospective spouse that you know had been very promiscuous during and after college? Do you look for certain things in a man? (a certain job, education, etc.)

I feel like the amount of hooking up in our society greatly outweighs the amount of romance there is. Again, this is due largely from the digital age that we live in, with dating apps subjected to hooking up and social media. I still believe there are some relationships out there that focus on the romance and building actual relationships before intimacy occurs, it just takes two individuals with the same beliefs and commitment for that to happen. I definitely plan to settle down and get married and, eventually, start a family. I am not in a rush, though, because I see how quick and easy young relationships break. If a prospective spouse had been very promiscuous during and after college, that would be a bit of a red flag for me. Of course people change, so it would not be a complete deal breaker if there were changes made, but I would have a guard up and it would be something we would have to have a deep conversation about. When I am dating someone there are several qualities and attributes that I look for. I want them to be driven and have life goals. Someone that is constantly wanting to better their lives and never settling with being “comfortable” is very attractive. I also look for someone that is family oriented. An individual that speaks to their parents regularly and with respect tells me that they have a good relationship with them and indicates that family is important. Lastly, I look at how they treat strangers. For example, on the first date with someone I take note of how they interact with our server (did they make eye contact? Were they respectful? Ect..) I know that sounds silly, but it is important to me.

3.   How do you feel about men being chivalrous and opening doors for you etc.? Do you like to be treated like a lady or would you prefer a more unisex, radical feminist approach? How did your parents and grandparents court? What are your thoughts on that lifestyle?

I am a huge fan of chivalry and I wish it was still as important as it used to be. I see it as respectful. I do not expect every single door to be open for me at all times, but when it does happen, I have admiration for the individual. I like to be treated like a lady, however, at the same time, I appreciate the unisex approach. I feel that women should be just as motivated in their careers and progressing professionally as men are and not just focused on taking care of a family. I also feel like they should be capable of doing handy work just as much as men are. Lastly, I feel like men have so much financial responsibility in a house hold and that it should be a team effort in supporting a family, not just weighted on one person. My parents and grandparents both got married at very young ages. Although they didn’t grow up in the digital era, they still faced relationship issues that came along with young marriage. My grandparents had six children and my grandpa had cheated on my grandma several times, however divorce was not an option back then, especially with how many children they had and how much my grandmother relied, financially, on my grandfather. Although I did not find this out until later in my life, they always tried to do what was best for the family and I admired them for sticking through the thick and thin. My parents got married when my mom was 21, so at a very young age. They met in college and my mom had actually been engaged prior to meeting my dad. She called off the engagement because she knew my father was the one. They were married for over 20 years and I looked up to their relationship greatly. They always went on dates, it was like they never stopped dating after marriage. My dad always held the door open for my mom and they held hands wherever they went. When we found out my dad had been having an affair after, what seemed like the perfect 20 years, it shocked everyone. My mom still wanted to make it work because of the love she had for him, but he chose the easy route and left everything. This happened in my first year of high school, when I first began dating, so it completely changed my perspective on relationships.

4.   Is there anything you would like to add that I haven’t asked?

As I mentioned in the previous question, my parent’s divorce has greatly impacted the way I perceive relationships and is the bases of why I answered the majority of the questions you provided the way that I did. I have high expectations for the relationships that I am in and although it is not always healthy, I have a wall up. I know that in individual is special and cares a lot for me if they help bring that wall down. It takes someone who is patient and diligent to make my defense go away. This is why I have never been able to partake in the hook up culture, I am a firm believer in building strong friendships and foundations before anything else. It is hard for me to become extremely close to someone because of the hurt and neglect that I have felt, and still feel, from my father. I never want my children to experience what my sisters and I went through and I would never want to go through the struggles and pain that my mom went through. This is why I choose my relationships carefully and would never want to run into a marriage and commitment half-heartedly.

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