1. What would you say are the differences (if any) between your college and post-college relationship lives? Did your relationship life in college affect it afterward and if so, how?
1.1. I don’t think that my college life affected my post-college relationships. If anything, it prepared me more for my post-college life. My college relationships taught me a lot about what I deserve in a romantic partner and what I should avoid. I think that has led me to have a strong romantic relationship now. For me, I have always been a hopeless romantic and I have always sought to have a serious romantic partner instead of casual dating partners. The only difference for me now is that I feel like it has actually been achievable. The people I surround myself with now are more mature, more adult, and more in sync with my aspirations and values. It is more common, as adults, to be looking for a partner to settle down with instead of a casual hook up.
2. How satisfied are you with the current relationship climate? Do you like Tinder, Bumble, and other dating apps? Describe why or why not? Have you ever been ghosted? How do you think all of these things affect your well-being?
2.1. I have never been a fan of online dating. Though it has been proven to work for some people, I think for the most part it leads to casual hook ups and unrealistic expectations. I have always been old fashioned in that I believe people should just meet face to face for courtship or at the very least engage in phone calls. Nowadays it’s all text messages, social media, and dating apps. Meeting and/or dating through the internet allows people to set up profiles based completely on the good sides of themselves, which is fine of course, but unrealistic. This sets up for possible disappointment on the either end of the relationship when they finally do meet and neither is what they had expected. Life is messy and full of flaws and so are people. A person you want to be with romantically should be able to experience all sides of you and like or love you still.
2.2. As for being ghosted, yes I have been. The first guy I met after college was a blind date. We had gone out twice I think. The guy seemed to be the real deal. First adult I had been out with (adult in the sense that he lived alone, had graduated college, and had a promising career with aspirations of marriage). Out of nowhere I just never heard from him again. We had been talking about being interested in seriously dating each other and had even made plans to go out again soon, but then I never heard from him. He resurfaced months later claiming he never did that, but I knew better than to fall for that. We are still friends now, but will never be anything more.
2.3. Being ghosted definitely has a negative impact on a person’s well-being. It leaves them alone and wondering what went wrong without answers. It is truly up to the individual how they recuperate from that situation. It is possible to let that turn into a positive thing though, a lesson to never fall for it again and move forward positively. As for social media, I think it has positive and negative impacts on a person’s well-being. It is a great way to connect with people and meet new people that you would have never been able to otherwise. However, I think it has several negative impacts both consciously and subconsciously. Firstly, the obvious online bullying and shaming would have a negative impact on someone experiencing that consciously. Secondly, I don’t think people truly realize the subconscious impact social media carries. Whether people realize it or not, social media has changed the way we look at ourselves and others. It has put an immense amount of pressure on people to make sure their lives always look happy or perfect or funny or adventurous. It is an unspoken and understood concept that a person will most likely be judged for posting something out of the norm. Guys are expected to look fit and muscular. Girls are expected to have a thin waist and large breasts in order to appear desirable. This has caused people to edit their bodies to become more publicly enticing and to see their own bodies as less than or unworthy. I have seen this happen with people in my own life and I’d be lying if I said I haven’t felt this way a time or two. I think that this is truly saddening and have to hope that we can empower men and women everywhere to love themselves as they are and that physical appearance on social media does not define them nor is it the source of their self-actualization.
3. Do you ever wish for more romance and less hooking up in today’s relationships? Do you plan to settle down someday, get married, and have kids? Would you worry about the future fidelity of a prospective spouse that you know had been very promiscuous during and after college? Do you look for certain things in a man? (a certain job, education, etc.)
3.1. 100% yes! I have finally found a love that I believe is real. I plan to be married (fingers crossed) very soon and have children after traveling with my husband for a few years after that. My partner now has had a history of being remotely promiscuous and has admitted to cheating before. I think that each relationship should be entered without judgement of the past. I place a lot of trust in this man. He has seen the darkest parts of me (and the ugliest), but loves me still. I do wish that there was more romance and respect in relationships today. I think that, for the most part, all respect for courtship has been lost and that is mostly about doing what feels right in the moment or what seems fun at the time. This is something that saddens me and something that I hope my children will never deal with.
3.2. I know that I have always looked for certain qualities in men. I think everyone has certain physical qualities that they are more attracted to (and I do too), but there are definitely things that are more important than that. I always thought it would be ideal to find a man that had graduated with at least a bachelor’s degree and have a secure job at least lined up. One of my most important goals for myself has been to find a way to be financially stable enough so that I could have a family and comfortably give them all the things they could possibly want as well as travel with them without having to worry about the expenses. However, I think that love comes first and all the rest will fall together. The man that I am dating now does not have a bachelor’s degree or a great job lined up. He does have an intense love for me and a strong drive for work, though. I think those qualities may just outweigh a degree or any particular job.
4. How do you feel about men being chivalrous and opening doors for you, etc.? Do you like to be treated like a lady or would you prefer a more unisex, radical feminist approach? How did your parents and grandparents court? What are your thoughts on that lifestyle?
4.1. As a female, the opinion that feminism is overrated in today’s world is not going to be a popular one. I think feminism (to an extent) is wonderful. I think that women fighting for their right to be equal and have opportunity in this world is such a great thing! However, I think that women in this age have taken that concept a little too far. It seems that women today are searching for reasons to be offended and looking for people to put them down just so they can retaliate. I strongly believe that men were created to be leaders of women and women were created to be a partner to men. This does not mean that men have to be seen as superior or better than women. This also does not mean that women have to be seen as weak or less than. I simply believe that this is the way God intended for us to live and that people today would be better off living by that and living with peace instead of constant turmoil. I am fully behind men being chivalrous. I think it shows love and a tender side of a man that we often do not see in today’s culture. My father and both my grandfathers were not very affectionate people and have often been viewed as being very stern, but they all are and were chivalrous to women. I have always thought that chivalry shows a certain respect for women and enhances the idea that women are graceful and delicate. Too often women today view chivalry as pity as if a man were saying she couldn’t open the door for herself because she’s a woman. When in actuality a man opening a door for woman is his way of serving her and showing love to her. I don’t know if chivalry will ever be a popular opinion again, but I do hope that my daughter(s) learn about the kindness that is shown with chivalry and that my son(s) grow up seeing their father be chivalrous and learning to be chivalrous themselves. After all, we can change the world by teaching our children what is good and what is right.
5. Is there anything you would like to add that I haven’t added?
5.1. Just to summarize my thoughts: Love is one of the most important and most powerful feelings that we can feel. Love is a gift from our creator and should be treated as such. Love should be respected and sought after (whether it be romantic love or just love for your neighbor). Sex is sacred. It is an act of love and should be deeply thought about before engaged in. People should not mistake sex for love nor should they expect sex if they believe real love is there. Chivalry is romantic and kind. I hope this is not something that is too far lost and that it will be prevalent in generations to come.
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